The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im part way to drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
