I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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