question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
