Just fell off a train. Bad.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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