May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
