Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's just like the Real World with babies
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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