Im at strip club and am horny
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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