Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
