I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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