I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize