my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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