she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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