I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
