i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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