Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
my liver is dry heaving
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize