is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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