i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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