just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
