I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize