Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
