the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
