I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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