How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
