My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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