were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
