Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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