We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize