Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
