Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
