If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
