Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
