I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
