I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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