a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
