Duck Duck Cougar?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
