I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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