He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
