Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize