my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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