Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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