Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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