I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
