just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
