cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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