the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
