Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
