found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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