I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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