When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
