You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
