I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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