The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
