my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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