And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
being pregnant is like rehab
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
