It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
