it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I believe in your delicious
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
