Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
