I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
