I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
