Your mouth is God's brothel.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
