He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
