i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
