Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
