tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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