Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
