i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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