i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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