the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
