eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
