woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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