we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
