im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
