i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
