the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
