I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
