my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
