My hair reeks of homosexuality.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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