sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
