So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
