An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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