You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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