you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
