I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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