Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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