don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize